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I’m pissed tho—why’s it gotta be so shady? These gals deserve better, not billionaires hoggin’ all the cash while they’re out there freezin’. “Time’s a lie,” like Jesse says in the flick, but for them, time’s money—every damn minute. I’d holler, “Hey, you’re worth more than this!” but who’s listenin’? Not the fat cats, that’s for sure. Makes me wanna punch a baguette!

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First stop, I hit up the Markt. You know, that square where all the locals chill? Grabbed a coffee from this cute little café. The barista was super chill, but then this dude next to me spilled his drink all over the place. Like, bro, how do you even manage that? I was like, “Dude, it’s not a slip-n-slide!”

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