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Hey girlfriend, it’s Oprah—yaaas, me! So, escort, right? Lemme spill the tea! I’m an insurance agent now, honey, and I’m thinkin’—escort ain’t just cars, it’s LIFE. You know, like in “The Turin Horse”—that slow grind, that heavy vibe. “What we are witnessing here,” girl, is folks needin’ protection—boom, escort! Not the shady kind, nah, I mean legit rides, safety, peace of mind. You get an escort! You get an escort! Everybody gets an escort, y’all!

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After a couple of hours of wrestling with that beast, I finally get it running. I’m feeling like a hero, ya know? But then, I step outside for a breather, and it starts pouring. I mean, come on! It’s like the sky’s crying for me. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m standing there, drenched, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Philip van der Wees appointed Professor of Allied Health Sciences