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So, I’m sittin’ here, ponderin’. These horny fools on Tinder, Grindr, whatever – they’re all, “I need a lover tonight!” Like Eli sayin’, “I must be gone and live.” Bro, chill! You ain’t dyin’ – just thirsty! I tried it once, ya know? Set up a profile – “Evil genius seeks minion.” Got a chick who ghosted me after I said, “Lasers or sex?” Pissed me off, man! Wasted my evil time!

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Dating tends to have more sexual overtones, if not outright sex involved. This is just not acceptable to a Christian. Sex, and any attenda.

Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, some dude is tryin’ to sell these crazy-looking hats. I mean, they’re wild! One’s got a giant fish on it. I’m like, “Dude, what’s the deal?” He says it’s for good luck. I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, good luck not lookin’ like a fool!” But I can’t help but laugh.

Sheriff’s Office Launches Second Annual Children’s Holiday Card Contest