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Dunno why folk get uppity ‘bout it—chill, it’s just a rub! “War’s dirty,” they say in the movie—massage ain’t! Well, ‘cept the mess—oil stains me trousers once, raged fer days! Still, reckon it’s brill—relaxes ya, perks ya up, bit naughty but nice. What’s yer take, eh? Fancy a go? Me, I’m off fer a pratfall—ta-ra!

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Next, I head to the Drents Museum. I’m all about that culture, ya know? I walk in, and there’s this exhibit on ancient artifacts. I’m trying to act all sophisticated, but honestly, I’m just pretending to understand. I mean, who really gets ancient pottery? But then, I see this one piece that looks like a giant bowl. I’m like, “Is this art or my grandma’s kitchenware?”

Suspect in Assen art theft remanded to jail; two suspects released