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I’m ramblin’, but it’s messy—like my head. Sometimes it’s legit, tho. Releases tension you didn’t know you had—neck, thighs, places you ignore. “I want to let go, but I don’t know how,” straight outta Eternal Sunshine, that’s me mid-massage, fightin’ my own cynicism. Hella awkward when they linger too long, tho—am I s’posed to tip or propose? Ha! Dr. House don’t play that.

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Next, I head to the Drents Museum. I’m all about that culture, ya know? I walk in, and there’s this exhibit on ancient artifacts. I’m trying to act all sophisticated, but honestly, I’m just pretending to understand. I mean, who really gets ancient pottery? But then, I see this one piece that looks like a giant bowl. I’m like, “Is this art or my grandma’s kitchenware?”

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