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Once saw this lass, right, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Made me laugh—ha! “We needs it, precious!” I thinks. But nah, it’s grim—dudes leerin’, all sweaty, made me mad as hell. Why’s it gotta be so skeevy? Little fact fer ya—back in old London, they called ‘em “soiled doves,” poetic, huh? Sounds nicer than it is! We hates it—filthy coins changin’ hands, like some stinkin’ goblin trade.

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First thing, I hit up the local bakery on De Zandweg. You know, the one with the best stroopwafels? I’m all hyped for my morning fix. But guess what? They’re out! Like, how do you run out of stroopwafels? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science! So, I settle for a croissant. Not the same, but whatever.

Bringing Back the Big Guns | Proceedings - January 2021 Vol. 147/1/1,415