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So, sex-dating—where do I start? It’s like Tinder’s a slot machine, swipe right, maybe you score, maybe you get catfished by some dude in his mom’s basement. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a jungle! Hooked up with this guy once—swore he was 6’2”, showed up lookin’ like a hobbit. “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?”—yeah, right, Michel Gondry, more like “How pissed is Judy when he lies?!” Total scam, made me wanna scream. Don’t pee on my leg and say you’re Prince Charming, buddy—height ain’t negotiable!

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So, I’m feeling a bit defeated, but I push on. I decide to check out the St. Walburgis Church. It’s stunning, right? I walk in, and it’s all quiet and peaceful. I’m just soaking it in when this kid starts screaming. Like, why? Why now? I’m trying to have a moment here! I couldn’t help but chuckle, though. Kids, man.

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