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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Then, I decided to hit up the local market on the Zundertseweg. Fresh veggies, flowers, and all that jazz. I’m browsing, and I see these strawberries. They look so good, I grab a punnet. But then, I drop it. Ugh! Strawberries everywhere! I’m like, “Noooo!” The vendor just shakes his head, but I’m laughing. It’s just fruit, right?

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