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Best part? You feel like king, not criminal like Carlos—“I am shadow of history!” he shout, but me, I shout, “Rub my butt again!” Hah! Sometim I dream I’m Carlos, but wit sexy masseuse, not grenade. Very nice! You try, frend, but watch out—some charge 100 dollar, ripoff! I say, “For that, I buy sheep!” Tell me if you go, yes? Wawawee!

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First off, I decide to hit up the local bakery on de Wierde. Best croissants in town, no cap. I’m standing there, drooling over the pastries, when this dude in front of me orders, like, 20 loaves of bread. I’m like, “Bro, are you feeding an army?” He just shrugs. Whatever, man. I finally get my croissant, and it’s warm and flaky. Heaven!