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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-dating, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ minefield, like in *The Hurt Locker*. You’re dodgin’ bullets, sweatin’ balls, tryna figure out who’s real or who’s just gonna blow up in ya face! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ – what’s the deal with these apps, huh? Swipe this, swipe that, like I’m pickin’ prosciutto at the deli. Back in the day, you’d meet a broad at the Bada Bing, buy her a drink, boom, done. Now? It’s all “profile pics” and “DMs” – what the hell’s a DM? Direct whackin’?
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So, I’m fuming now, right? I decide to walk it off. I head over to de Kade again, but this time I’m on a mission. I’m gonna find something to make me happy. I pass by the little shops, and there’s this cute vintage store on de Kade. I pop in, and OMG, they have the coolest retro vinyls. I’m flipping through them, and I find this old Elvis record. I’m like, “Yes! This is it!”
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