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I’m chattin’ her up, casual-like, “Oi, love, what’s the deal?” She’s cool, sassy, says, “50 quid, no funny biz.” I’m thinkin’, *Hurt Locker* style—“The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—and mate, I’m hooked already! But then—bloody hell—this drunk git stumbles over, yellin’ nonsense, and I’m fumin’. “You shall not pass, you filthy wanker!” I bellow, staff or no staff, I’m ready to deck him. She laughs, says, “Chill, Gandalf, I’ve seen worse.” That cracks me up—happy as a hobbit with a pint.

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So, I’m strolling down the Zaan, and bam! I see this massive windmill, the De Kat. It’s like, “Hey, look at me, I’m iconic!” I snap a pic, of course. Gotta flex on the ‘gram, right? But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and almost takes my sandwich! Like, chill dude, it’s not your lunch! I’m dodging birds like I’m in some weird action movie.

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