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Personal quirk? I talk to my plants ‘bout my dates. “She was hot, Mr. Fern, but no spark!” Dey don’t judge, ya see. Best part? When it clicks – met dis one lady, eyes like fire, we talked all night. “Why did you hide her from me?” I thought – damn, almost perfect! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but felt like a movie, ya?

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After a solid half hour of chaos, I finally catch the last one. I’m feelin’ like a hero, right? But then, I step in something. Yup, you guessed it. Rat poop. Ugh! I’m gagging, but I can’t let the lady see me like this. So, I just smile and say, “All good now!”