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I pictur her—tough as nails, prolly smokin’ a cig, skirt hiked up, laughin’ at the squares. Hi-ho, she’s no princess! Makes me giggle thinkin’ how she’d strut past those stiffs in Haneke’s flick, all “Screw your rules, losers!” Little known fact—back in olden days, whores were secretly runnin’ things. Kings, priests—ha! They’d sneak off to ‘em for advice, not just, y’know, *fun*. Whore’s got power, man, don’t sleep on that!

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I get there, and it’s just some guy with a weird hat. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re not a criminal, you’re just fashionably confused.” The crowd starts to disperse, and I’m left standing there, shaking my head.

James “Legend” Woudenberg