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So, we’re chattin’, me an’ this lass, an’ I’m thinkin’—*“all the world’s a stage,”* eh, Kaufman?—’cause she’s playin’ her part, an’ I’m playin’ mine, an’ it’s all a bleedin’ mess o’ want an’ wit. Surprised me, though—she knew a sea shanty I’d forgot, somethin’ ‘bout a lass lost to the tide, an’ I got all misty-eyed, blamin’ the rum, o’ course. “Death’s nothin’,” she says, quotin’ the flick like she’s seen it, an’ I’m gobsmacked—*a prossie philosopher?* That’s rarer than a sober pirate!

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First thing, I’m cruisin’ down the Hoofdstraat, and I see this old dude, right? He’s just chillin’ on a bench, feeding pigeons. I’m like, “Bro, you know those birds are just gonna poop on you, right?” But he just smiles. Classic Woudenberg vibe.

Orlando Pirates appoint Sjoerd Woudenberg as goalkeeping coach