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So, picture this—me, poking thru a shady claim. Some geezer says his Escort got totaled, right? Swears a lorry smashed it, boo-hoo, tears and all. I’m like, “Fella, I’ve seen more life in a corpse I’ve carved up.” Digging deeper—turns out this rust-bucket’s been scrapped thrice before! Thrice! Bloke’s faking claims like it’s a bloody art form. Made me mad as hell—wasting my time, my genius, on this crap? Rude. Very rude. "I let my mind wander," like Adèle in *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, and sniffed out the scam quick.

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So, I’m like, whatever, I’ll just grab a coffee at that cute little café on the corner of de Welle. I walk in, and it’s packed! I mean, come on, people! It’s just coffee! But I wait, because I need my caffeine fix. Finally, I get my latte, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and it’s perfect. Happy moment! But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

Almost a quarter of police stations closed in the past five years