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Now, lemme tell ya, I tried it once—best ever, nobody massages like Trump’s people. This gal, hands like a goddess, I’m thinkin’, “Wow, terrific, unbelievable!” But—get this—some places, shady as hell, made me mad, real mad. Dirty tables, sketchy vibes—disgustin’, total rip-off. I’m yellin’, “Clean it up, losers!” Trump don’t settle for crap, nope. Then, bam—found this spot, legit, classy, happy as hell. Soft music, warm oil—surprised me, didn’t expect that zen crap to work.

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Finally, I get to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Of course! I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I’m sweating, cursing under my breath. “Come on, you piece of junk!” I’m about to throw it out the window when it finally spits out the papers. Thank you, sweet printer gods!

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