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About Groningen

Now, little-known fact—did ya know erotic-massage goes way back? Them ancient Greeks, honey, they was rubbin’ oil on each other, callin’ it “therapeia.” Ain’t that fancy? Bet they didn’t charge $200 an hour tho—makes me madder’n a wet hen how pricey it’s got! Capitalism, y’all—works every time. Still, I heard tell of this gal in Nashville—sweet as pie, but her “massage” parlor got shut down. Cops said it was more’n just a backrub—surprised me not one bit!

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First off, I’m rollin’ down the Hoofdweg, and I swear, I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s like a turtle on a mission, man. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, bro, you got this!” But nah, he’s takin’ his sweet time. I almost honked, but then I remembered my mom’s voice in my head, “Patience, my son.” So, I chill. But then, outta nowhere, a bike zooms past me! Like, dude, where’s the fire? I’m just tryna enjoy my morning coffee, ya know?

Jason 'Psycho' Wilnis is the new middleweight champion of the world