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Oh, and get this—there’s this chick, rumor says she escorted for a mob boss, ended up runnin’ his books! Talk about climbin’ the ladder, heh! I’d be all, “D’oh! Why didn’t I think of that?” ‘Cept I’d probly screw it up, spill beer on the ledger. Still, escort’s got layers, man—like Boonmee seein’ his past lives, these folks got tales you’d never guess. “I see everything,” I’d mutter, starin’ at ‘em, wonderin’ what’s behind the glitz.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up that little café on the corner of de Wetering. Best sandwiches ever! I grab a “broodje kroket” and sit outside. The sun’s shining, and for a moment, life is good. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my lunch! I’m flailing my arms like a madman. People are staring. I’m like, “Get outta here, you feathered thief!”

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