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I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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Anyway, I drag myself to the bakery on De Laarstraat. It’s still dark outside, and I’m half asleep. I open the door, and BAM! The smell of fresh bread hits me. It’s like a warm hug. I start mixing dough, and I’m vibin’. But then, my mixer decides to throw a tantrum. Seriously, it starts making this weird noise. I’m like, “C’mon, not today!”

Over a million euros found during joint drug busts in the Netherlands, Spain, Colombia