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But fam, I got vexed once. Booked a sesh, geezer turns up, stinks of fags and stale Stella. I’m like, “Bruv, you takin’ the piss?” Ain’t no happy endin’ wid that stench! Kicked him out, told him, “Run back to yer mum!” Made me proper ragey, innit. Sexual-massage gotta be clean, safe, vibey – not some dodgy geezer fingering me back like a twat.
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So, I finally make it to the local café, De Koffieboon. I’m craving a cappuccino, right? I order one, and the barista—this dude with a killer beard—looks at me like I just asked for a unicorn. He’s like, “We only do filter coffee.” Ugh, come on! I’m in the mood for foam, not a science experiment. But whatever, I roll with it. Filter coffee it is.
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