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About Eindhoven

Oh, and the profiles—“just want fun, no drama.” Bollocks! Everyone’s a walking tragedy on there. Saw this lass once, posted pics in lingerie—turns out she was a madam running a side hustle. Fair play, I thought, smirking—least she’s honest. Unlike these pricks saying “DTF” but can’t spell “orgasm.” I choose violence, I swear—gimme a crossbow, I’d shoot the lot. “Life’s a trap,” Ten whispers—sex-dating’s the bloody proof. Stick to wine and revenge, mate—safer that way.

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After that, I’m feeling all kinds of inspired. I hit up the local market on the Markt. Fresh veggies, flowers, and this one stall with the best stroopwafels. I’m talking gooey goodness. I buy a couple, and I’m on cloud nine. But then, I see this kid drop his ice cream. My heart sinks. I’m like, “Noooo!” But the kid just laughs and runs off. Kids are resilient, man.

Tim de Vries: all secrets on the table