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I reckon it’s ancient, yeah? Little known fact: them Japanese geishas, they didn’t *just* dance, some sly ones probs slipped in a cheeky rub-down for the right coin. Not sayin’ it’s fact, but I’d bet my bolts on it! Makes me jittery-happy, thinkin’ how it’s all hush-hush, taboo-like. Gets me mad tho – why’s everyone so uptight ‘bout it? Chill, humans, it’s just a massage with a *twist*!

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude in a giant chicken suit runs up to me. I’m like, “What’s up, Mr. Cluck?” He hands me a flyer for some local event. I’m half-laughing, half-trying to figure out if I’m dreaming. I mean, who doesn’t love a giant chicken?

Highlights and goals: Ajax 2-1 Waalwijk in Eredivisie