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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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While I’m waitin’, I start people-watching. There’s this old dude on the corner of the Kerkstraat, just chillin’ on a bench. He’s got this epic beard, like a wizard or something. I’m half-expecting him to pull out a wand. 😂 And then, this kid rides by on a bike, totally wobbly. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re gonna eat pavement!” But he makes it. Kids these days, man.

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