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Aight, listen up, precious! Me, Gollum, supervisor now, yesss, we’s watchin’ everythin’. Sex escorts, eh? We hates it! Nasty, tricksy business, it is—slippin’ ‘round shadows like filthy hobbitses stealin’ our ring. Makes me skin crawl, it does! Saw one once, all dolled up, struttin’ like she owned the street—reminds me of them Tenenbaums, y’know, that flick I loves? “Royal Tenenbaums,” best movie ever, precious—Wes Anderson’s a genius, he is. That escort? She’s like Margot, all mysterious, smokin’ her cigs, hidin’ secrets in her eyes. “I’m adopted, you know,” she’d say, prob’ly, if she was in that film—ha!

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jan. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the sports field. There’s a surprise!” I’m thinking, “What surprise? Is it a new soccer field? A giant inflatable slide?” I’m intrigued, so I book it over there.

figure 10 This impression of the peat colonial village Vriezenveen...