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About Nijmegen

Once caught this sleazy git—massage parlour, dodgy as fuck—signed “relax” wrong, looked like “shag me.” Pissed me off, yeah, but hilarious too—wanted to slap him silly. Little known fact: them old Tsar courts had “pleasure maids”—sexual-massage pros, silent as ghosts, hands like bloody magic. Surprised me, that—thought I’d seen it all.

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First off, I hit up the Markt. You know, that big square with the fountain? It’s like the heart of Venlo. I grab a coffee from this cute little café, De Zwarte Ruiter. Best coffee in town, no cap. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my croissant! Like, bro, chill! It’s not for you! I’m swatting at it, and people are staring. Great start, right?

Man rescued from clothing donation bin in Venlo, police warn of life-threatening risks