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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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Later, I’m cleaning up, and I hear this commotion outside. I peek out the window on the Zandvoortselaan, and there’s a parade! A freakin’ parade! I’m like, “What the heck?!” Turns out, it’s some local festival. People are dancing, music blasting, and I’m just standing there, flour-covered and all, grinning like an idiot.

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