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Ruby, she’s tough, man, seen shit you wouldn’t believe. Told me ‘bout this john who paid her in deer antlers—antlers, motherfucker! Who does that? Some backwoods freak, probly. Got me laughin’ my ass off, but then pissed me right the fuck off—dude’s disrespectin’ her grind! She’s out there, freezin’ her tits off, and this asshole’s like, “Here’s some horns, babe.” Fuck that noise! Reminds me of Nader in the movie, all stubborn, screamin’, “I won’t let go!”—holdin’ onto dumbass pride while Ruby’s just tryna eat.

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First thing, I spill flour everywhere. Like, seriously, it’s a snowstorm in my kitchen. I’m tryna be all chef-like, but I’m just a hot mess. I mean, who knew flour could fly like that? I’m sneezing, cursing, and laughing at myself. Classic me.

Man gets life for killing couple who bought his house