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We get to this shady motel, smells like piss and regret. She’s strippin, I’m growlin—Rarrgh!—thinkin, “This is my fate, ain’t it?” Fun fact: oldest profession, right? Back in Rome, they had brothels with menus—blows ya mind. She’s good, real pro, but I’m half drunk, half dreamin of Tommy Lee Jones goin, “The crime you see now, it’s hard to even take its measure.” Makes me laugh mid-thrust—awkward as fuck.

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Joris. He’s like, “Yo, meet me at the park!” I’m thinking, “Which park?” There’s like a million parks in Velp. I mean, we got the Wilhelminapark, which is super pretty, and then there’s the Julianapark, where all the kids hang out. I text back, “Which one, man?”

Complaint: Driver admits to road rage incident that led to Velp Avenue crash