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Me, I’d stumble into some dodgy parlor once. Dark room, candles flickerin’, lass with hands like silk. I’m thinkin’, “This is how kings fall!” She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half-pissed on wine, mutterin’, “I drink and I know things.” She giggles—GIGGLES!—and I’m like, “Oi, don’t laugh, this is serious!” Made me happy, though—rare to feel that loose. Then she flips me over, and I’m prayin’ to the Seven she don’t notice me fish-stink. Spoiler: she did. FROWN.

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So I throw some cash on it. I mean, why not? I’m feeling lucky. But then, the game starts, and it’s a disaster. They’re losing 3-0 by halftime! I’m fuming. I’m pacing around my office, cursing like a sailor. “What the heck, guys?!” I’m practically yelling at the TV.

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