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Back in my Texas days—yeehaw!—I heard whispers bout secret brothels in ol’ oil towns. Roughnecks blowin’ cash, playin’ cards, gittin’ frisky. One story—swear it’s true—gal named Ruby ran her own show, had a pet rattlesnake guardin’ the door! Ain’t nobody messin’ with Ruby—tougher’n a two-dollar steak! Surprised me so much I near fell off my horse—well, my chair.

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I’m fuming. I mean, who breaks a mixer at 5 AM? I grab a whisk and start mixing by hand. My arms are burning, but I’m determined. I’m sweating like a pig, and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have a heart attack. But then, I hear a knock on the door. It’s Mrs. Jansen from the corner of Hoofdstraat. She’s like, “I need my bread!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a miracle worker!” But I can’t say no.

Two wins away from perfection