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Oh, and the profiles? Crack me up! Dudes be like, “Lookin for my queen”—sir, you 35, livin in yo mama’s basement, you ain’t no king! And the girls with them duck lips n dog ears—baby, you a grown woman, not a cartoon! Sex-datin’s a circus, but I ain’t mad—keeps life spicy. Like Malik tryna survive in that prison, you gotta play smart, not hard. “It’s a new world now,” he said—damn right it is! Halleluyer!

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Then, I get a call on my radio. There’s a commotion down by the dike. I rush over, and what do I find? A bunch of tourists takin’ selfies with a giant fish statue. I mean, it’s a cool statue, but c’mon, people! It’s not that deep! I can’t help but roll my eyes.

In Holland, a flap over wind farm