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But real talk—it’s therapeutic, they say. Releases tension, boosts mood. Some study—I dunno, Google it—says it’s science! Oxytocin or somethin’. I’m like, “Great, I’m a lab rat now!” Still, I get it—feels good, who cares? Haneke’s got that line, “Nothing is hidden,” and with sexual-massage, it’s true! Everythin’s out there—literally! No secrets, just skin and awkward giggles. I’d probly laugh mid-session, ruin it. “This is ridiculous!” I’d yell. Masseuse’d hate me.

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After that, I head over to the park, you know, the one by the water? It’s super pretty, but today it’s packed with kids. Like, can’t a person chill in peace? I sit down, trying to enjoy the view, but these kids are running around, screaming like they’re in a horror movie. I’m just trying to vibe, man!

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