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About Myself
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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.
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Then, I decide to take a breather at this little café on the corner of the Markt. You know the one? They serve the best apple pie. I sit down, and the waitress, bless her heart, brings me a slice. I take a bite, and it’s like heaven exploded in my mouth. I’m smiling now, forgetting about the dog drama.
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