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Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought it’d be awkward, nah, it’s smooth. Pro’s whisperin’, “You are not alone,” like in the flick, but it’s just you and her, dim lights, oil drippin’. Exaggeratin’ a bit? Maybe, but damn, feels like you’re floatin’! Little story—heard this chick in Vegas, she’s massagin’ celebs, won’t spill names, but says one cried after. Emotional release, bro, not just the happy endin’!

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Finally, I get to the meeting at the local agri-coop. I walk in, and it’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” I squeeze in, and the guy at the front starts talking about some new fertilizer. I’m half-listening, half-daydreaming about my garden back home. Then, BOOM! The projector goes out. Classic. Everyone’s looking around like, “What now?” I’m just sitting there, trying not to roll my eyes.

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