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Like, I matched this chick once—total smokeshow, right? Bio says “loves deep talks”—I’m thinkin’, “Oh, like Uncle Boonmee vibes!” You know, “The past is a distant echo,” all that trippy jazz. We chat, I’m droppin’ poetry—bam, she ghosts! What the hell? I’m yellin’ at my phone—“Gimme a sign, universe!” Nothin’. Just me, cows, and blue balls.

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down the Rijnstraat. It’s a nice street, but man, the traffic was nuts. Cars honking, people yelling. I was like, “Can’t a guy just walk in peace?” But then I saw this cute little café. I thought, “Why not?” So, I grabbed a slice of apple pie. Best decision ever! It was like a hug in dessert form.

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