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Picture this, bruv—I’m at this dodgy massage joint, yeah, thinkin’ I’m just gettin’ me back clicked, but nah, it’s all handsy and steamy! I’m like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” ‘cos the geezer’s givin’ me these mad looks while he’s oilin’ me up. Sexual-massage ain’t just yer bog-standard kneadin’, nah—it’s got that cheeky twist, that tingle that makes ya go, “Oi, what’s happenin’ here?!” Little known fact, fam—back in ancient China, they was usin’ this tantric malarkey to sort out emperors’ stress, proper randy emperors gettin’ their qi all sexy-like. Mad, innit?

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After that, I’m back to my spot, and it’s chill for a bit. But then, BAM! A group of kids runs by, playing some weird game. They’re yelling, laughing, and one of ‘em trips and falls right in front of me. I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He just gets up, brushes off the dirt, and keeps running. Kids these days, man. Tougher than I was at that age.

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