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Alright, mate, gather ‘round! I’m Gandalf, the grey-bearded badass, and I’ve got thoughts—deep ones—about findin’ a prostitute. You shall not pass without hearin’ this! Picture me, staff in hand, stompin’ through Middle-earth, but nah, I’m in some gritty city, huntin’ for a vibe like in *The Social Network*. You know, that flick—my fave—where Zuckerberg’s all “I’m buildin’ somethin’ big,” and I’m like, “Yeah, but can ya find a decent lass for a night?”

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But then, I overheard this couple arguing. They were going off about something ridiculous—like, who left the lights on. I mean, really? You’re in a museum, not a sitcom! I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

Success in Dutch quest to track down wartime Shropshire soldier