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Here I am, mates, your ol’ fish-whisperer David Attenborough, tradin’ scales for somethin’ slippery today—erotic-massage! Now, picture this, yeah? A dimly lit room, oil slicker than a barracuda’s back, hands glidin’ like eels over skin. Calm, rhythmic, like waves lappin’ at the shore. It’s nature, innit? Bodies movin’, tension unwindin’, like a fish shakin’ off a hook. I reckon it’s bloody brilliant—gets the blood pumpin’, heart racin’ like a marlin on the line!

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I woke up late, of course. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic me. Rushed outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Not me! So, I’m zooming down the Hoofdstraat, dodging cyclists like I’m in some kinda video game. Schijndel’s got a ton of ’em, and they don’t care if you’re in a car or not.

Restaurant removes urinals shaped like woman's mouth