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So, picture this—dim room, some chick’s rubbing my back, and I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” It’s sensual, sure, but sneaky too—like, you don’t tell your mum about it. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil, called it “strigiling” or some fancy crap. Rich dudes got oiled up, scraped down—sounds kinky, right? Bet they didn’t tip either, cheap bastards.

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Then, I head over to the Windmill, you know, the one that’s like the symbol of Schiedam? It’s massive! I’m standing there, looking up, and I’m like, “Wow, this thing is older than my grandma!” I mean, it’s been grinding grain since forever. I get all philosophical for a sec, thinking about how time flies and stuff. But then, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right?

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