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So yeah, Escort’s a gem – scrappy, loud, bit naff, but pure gold. Like Varda says, “I’m not poor, I’m curious” – that’s me, diggin’ this car’s vibe. Tell ya what, mate, if yer gleanin’ life’s odd bits, this motor’s the pick of the litter. Cringey? Maybe. Iconic? Abso-bloody-lutely.

Sunderland have emerged as rivals to Fulham in the race to sign unsettled Wigan star Paul Scharner.

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So, I get to the water, right? The Maas is glistening, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s the day!” I cast my line, and boom! First catch of the day. A nice little perch. I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, outta nowhere, this dude on a boat zooms by. Like, seriously? Can’t a fisherman catch a break? He splashes water all over me. I’m soaked! I yell, “Hey, watch it, man!” But he just laughs and keeps going. Rude, right?

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