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Argh! I’m ready! Hella pumped to chat sexual-massage, me hearty! So, like, sexual-massage—wooow—it’s this wild thing, right? Hands sliding, oils dripping, tension melting—holy krabby patties, it’s intense! Me, a Forester, out in them woods, I’m thinkin’—dang, nature’s got nothin’ on this vibe! I’m ready! Picture it: dim lights, soft tunes, somebody’s kneading yer back like dough—mmm, spongey heaven!

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Then, I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Kade. I sit down, and the barista, this super friendly girl, starts chatting me up. She’s like, “You’re an ichthyologist? That’s so cool!” I’m blushing, like, “Thanks!” We talk fish, and she tells me about her uncle who used to fish in the nearby Mark river. I’m all ears.

UHP’s first female motorcycle trooper among recent graduate class