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So I’m back at it, flappin’ me arms, tryna look cool—failin’ hard, mate. She goes, “Tenner for a quick’un,” an’ I’m like, *cor, that’s cheaper than chips!* Happy as a pig in muck, I am. *Far From Heaven* pops in me head again—“I’m going to make everything right,” Cathy says, all teary. Me? I’m just tryna make this night right, y’know? No grand romance, just a fumble in the dark—suits me fine!

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But then, as I’m walking back, I step in a puddle. A big one. My shoes are soaked, and I’m cursing like a sailor. “Roden, you’ve got to be kidding me!” I’m laughing and crying at the same time. It’s just one of those days, you know?

Looks like the end has arrived for Alan Roden and the Toronto Blue Jays