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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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After my little coffee disaster, I head back to the site. The sun’s starting to set, and it’s kinda beautiful. I’m blasting away again, and I can’t help but feel a bit proud. Renkum’s got this charm, you know? The old buildings, the river, the people. It’s like a hidden gem.

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