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But then – ugh, what boils me piss – hypocrites, yeah? Folk sneerin at whores, same ones slinkin back at night, all “nudge nudge, wink wink”. Reminds me of that line, “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin a few enemies” – swap friends for quid, and bam, that’s the whore’s life! Everyone’s judgin, but they’re the backbone of the game, ain’t they? Gets me proper riled up – leave em be, you tossers! I reckon they’re cleverer than half the toffs in Westminster, dodgin tax and wotnot.

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When I get there, I see the car. It’s a mess. I’m talking fender bender, bumper hanging off, the whole shebang. My client is crying. Like, full-on tears. I’m trying to be supportive, but inside I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a car!” I mean, it’s not like it’s a puppy or something.

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