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About Eindhoven

Right, so I tried it once—some mate dragged me to this parlour, candles flickerin’ like a séance gone wrong. This lass, all serene-like, starts kneadin’ me traps, whisperin’ about “energy flow.” Energy flow? I’m thinkin’, “Love, only flow here’s the cash outta me wallet!” Cost me a tenner more than a curry night—fuckin’ outrageous! Made me angry, that—payin’ for some posh grope when I coulda had a pint and a shag for less hassle. But—BUT—when she hit that spot, right under me shoulder blade? Jesus wept, I melted like a twat on a sunbed. “Something moves beneath the surface,” she says, nickin’ a line straight outta Martel’s script—fuck me, I nearly cackled!

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the bakery on the Hoofdstraat. You know, the one with the best stroopwafels? I’m all about that sugar life. I grab a couple, and the lady behind the counter, she’s super sweet. We chat a bit, and she tells me about the local market happening later. I’m like, “Heck yeah, I’m in!”