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Imagine me hirin’ an escort – D’oh! Marge’d kill me! “You’re lower than dirt,” she’d yell, like in “Dogville.” But serious, escorts got stories. One gal, rumor says, escorted a prince! Freakin’ prince, man! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, ha! Still, cool as hell. I’d be all – “D’oh! Gimme donuts, princess!” Sarcasm, pal, gotta love it.

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Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I fix it. Mr. Jansen’s face lights up like a kid on Christmas. I’m feeling like a hero, right? But then, just as I’m about to bask in my glory, the door swings open. It’s a bunch of kids from the school down the street. They’re loud, rowdy, and one of ‘em trips and knocks over my display. Clocks go flying! I’m about to lose it. I mean, come on!

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