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But—aw, man—sometimes it’s a mess. This one guy, friend of a friend, bragged he’s bangin’ three gals a week off these apps. Three! I’m like, “C’mon, man, slow down!” He’s out there livin’ like a rooster in a henhouse, and I’m just tryin’ to find one good date. Gets me steamed, folks—where’s the heart in it? Sex-dating’s s’posed to be fun, not a dang contest! “Everyone is disappointing,” Kaufman said—boy, ain’t that the truth sometimes?

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I spot this vendor sellin’ the most beautiful tulips. I mean, they were yellin’ at me to buy ‘em. So, I do. I’m walkin’ around with these tulips, feelin’ like a king. But then, I see my ex. Ugh, why? She’s with some dude, and they’re laughin’. I’m tryin’ to act cool, but inside, I’m like, “Why’d I even come here?”

Figure 3: The Learning Spectrum (De Vries and Leege, 2008)