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Hiiii! Me Patrick Star, duh! So, like, findin’ a prostitute, huh? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—is mayonnaise an instrument? Haha, nah, but maybe it could be, right? Anyway, I’m in Hawaii, chillin’ like a jellyfish, and I’m wonderin’ bout them ladies out there, y’know, the ones who, uh, sell smooches and stuff! Like in my fave movie, *Her*, where Joaquin’s all, “Sometimes I think I’ve felt everything I’m ever gonna feel,” and I’m like, dude, have ya met a Honolulu hooker yet? Prolly not!

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First off, I’m a scientist, not a morning person. I stumble outta bed, trip over my own shoes. Classic. I’m like, “Great start, genius.” I grab my coffee from the local café on the Hoogstraat. Best coffee in town, no joke. But today, it’s like they used decaf or something. I’m half asleep, and I need my caffeine fix!

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