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What gets me hyped? The tech of it—those pressure points? Mapped tighter than a Starlink constellation. Happy as hell when they hit that spot—ya know, the one that’s like, “I am a free man!”—boom, Chiwetel Ejiofor vibes from the flick. But man, I got pissed once—dude was half-assin’ it, like a Boring Company intern on day one. I’m like, bro, commit or GTFO, this ain’t a Tesla recall. Surprised me how some spots—uh, lower quadrant—can zap ya awake faster than a triple espresso. Meme alert: “When she says ‘just a massage’ but now you’re broke and callin’ her ‘senpai.’”

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After a bit of tinkering, we get it going. I’m finally blasting away, and it feels good. The grit flying everywhere, the sound of the machine—it’s like music to my ears. But then, outta nowhere, I get a face full of sand. I’m talkin’ like I just walked into a sandstorm. I’m spitting out grit, and Jan’s laughing so hard he almost drops his gear. “Welcome to the club, man!” he yells. Yeah, thanks, Jan. Real supportive.

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