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So, mate, listen up! Sex escorts – wild world, innit? Been around forever, sneaky-like. Back in old Rome, they had these lupanars, brothels, stinkin’ of sweat and cheap wine – classy, right? Now it’s all online, swipe this, book that, like orderin’ takeaway! Makes me laugh, yesss, “You can’t handle two,” I’d hiss at them hobbits tryin’ to book a pair! Me, I’d be rubbish at it – too twitchy, too bony, they’d run screamin’!

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Then, I get a call from a client. They want a custom fur coat. I’m like, “Sure, I can do that.” But then they drop the bomb: they want it in neon pink. Neon pink?! Who even wears that? I’m thinking, “This is Opmeer, not Amsterdam!” But whatever, I’m a pro. I can handle it.

Opmeer becomes a two-time F1 Esports Series Pro champion